Comity Tomorrow, Tragedy Tonight
Subtle as a street-walker’s hemline
By Steve Schulz
Date Published: 5/1/2017

Late Night Host Seth Meyers said, “According to a new report, New York has a higher tax burden than any other state (and he flashed a picture of President Trump’s wife Melania) … but she’s refusing to move.”
—cue hysterics.

ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel on the President’s press conference smirked, “He talked for an hour and 17 minutes which is longer than he spoke to Melania for this whole year.”—cue hysterics.

NBC’s Jimmy Fallon announced that, “A so-called Museum of Failure is opening in Sweden this June, though if you can’t wait that long, check out (an image of the White House flashes up) this pop-up exhibit in Washington.”
—cue hysterics.

Daily Show’s South African host Trevor Howard (who replaced Canadian Jon Stewart) told us, “I do the real fake news (about how America should be governed) and now the President’s muscling in on our turf. We’re all watching an asteroid that’s coming to earth. It may miss, but it’s coming. In Trump’s Presidency, one day feels like a year. Yesterday we got a look at Trump the President, a man determined to create his own reality when he said, (cut to President Trump speaking) ‘The World is an angry place. The world is a mess.’ Jesus Dude,” Noah continued, “I feel that if he is going to talk like that, I feel like he needs a different style of makeup.” And then that same cut of Trump was re-run this time with the President speaking through a face painted to mimic Heath Ledger’s maniacal Joker from Batman.—cue hysterics. 

CBS’s Steven Colbert spent over seven minutes ‘analyzing’ the recent press conference as, “Historically bizarre even by Trump standards. Evidently he didn’t even bring his meds with him. The conference was so beefy you could eat it with a fork, but you’d want to use a spoon to get every drop of crazy.” Reacting to Trump’s assertion that as President he’d, “inherited a mess” Colbert interjected, “No you inherited a fortune, we elected a mess.”—cue hysterics, applause, and prolonged cheering. 

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